Some Days, It Just Doesn't Pay to Speak
by Lucillia
Summary: When a young Auror recruit badmouths a certain Potions Professor, he learns exactly why the Aurors thought that the man was practically the greatest thing since sliced bread despite his character flaws which were too numerous to count. To them, Snape's "Winning" personality was a gift that kept on giving (and not in the venereal disease sense of the phrase).


"What?!" the young Auror recruit exclaimed.

"You heard me, don't go badmouthing Snape around here. He was the answer to our prayers." the trainee's senior partner said.

"But Snape was..." The Auror recruit exclaimed.

"Yeah, he was an asshat and a poor excuse for a human being, but he was the best thing that happened to our department in over a century." the senior partner replied.

"How can that even be possible?! He lowered the number of potential Aurors to..." The junior Auror started.

"You're a muggleborn, aren't you?" the senior partner asked.

"So, what if I am?!" the young recruit asked defensively.

"Well, being a muggleborn, you wouldn't be aware of the fact that the average Wizarding retirement age is 110, and many wizards don't retire until they're dead and buried." the Senior Partner replied.

"You see that Auror over there?" The senior partner continued, pointing to a distinguished looking Wizard with silver hair who was rocking Dumbledore specs. "He's part of the cohort that got brought in during the Grindelwald War. He and his surviving teammates, all thirty of them, aren't due to retire for another twenty years."

"That lot over there," the senior partner said, pointing to a group of individuals who looked to be just entering middle age "That lot joined up during the First War when the department started hiring like crazy and never left. Odds are that they're going to keep hanging around for another seventy to eighty years."

"Before Snape came in and reduced numbers, we were getting far too many recruits to support each year. Half the time they were someone's son or nephew, which meant we'd catch more hell than it was worth if we turned them away." the senior partner continued.

"But, Snape lowered the quality of all of those recruits!" the young Auror replied, almost smugly, as if he'd thought he'd come up with something that won him the argument.

"Lowered the quality?! Lowered the quality?! Did someone hit you with a Confundus while I wasn't looking?!" the senior partner exclaimed.

"But..." the junior partner started.

"Snape raised the quality of our recruits if anything." the senior partner said, cutting across him. "Snape only let those who got Outstandings on their O.W.L.S., a test that wasn't administered by Snape mind you, into his N.E.W.T. class. First time anyone screwed up in the N.E.W.T. class, they was put out on their arse. Not only that, but the lot who managed to survive seven years under Snape weren't the least bit intimidated by piddling little things like ten foot tall Knockturn Alley bruisers with blood on their hands who're threatening to rip out their lungs and shove them up their arse."

"Well, I heard that it was Snape's fault that the Ministry fell so quickly, because the Aurors..." the young recruit started, only to be silenced by a sharp and dangerous glare from his partner.

"You are an idiot!" the Auror practically snarled. "And, if you're an example of what's going to be coming into the department now Snape's gone, I'm going to go and pray that Satan sees fit to return the bastard from whatever corner of hell he's taken over! You have no idea what it was like! None! I grew up during the First Voldemort War, and I remember how we were losing and losing badly before Harry happened! Families were being slaughtered wholesale practically each and every week! Then, that bastard came back and killed Director Bones. Rufus Scringemour, the Minister who was standing up to him and keeping order, got slaughtered next. We grew up with the stories, we knew what we had to do. So long as we kept our heads down and didn't openly defy him, it wouldn't be our families on the chopping block and maybe we could get a blow or two in without him noticing. War's different when it's at home..."

Wondering how the conversation had gotten so far off track and realizing he'd managed to really step in it, the young Auror who was indeed someone's nephew - well, technically cousin - in this brave new world where Muggleborns had gained positions of power immediately following the war turned tail and ran. Deciding to fake sick so he could hide out until everything blew over, the former Hufflepuff headed to the medical wing.

The End.

"What the hell are you doing badmouthing HIM here? That rat bastard trained my best Emergency Healers! After seven years under him, working in high-stress situations was a walk in the park for them..."


End file.
